Fenny's Bla Bla Blog

Isn't it funny

how life has a way

of smoothing anything

through time

one way or another

if you'll only let it

How it lessens pain

and brings back

your true self

and the willingness

to risk all again

even if you just know

that somewhere

in between the wooing

and the cold indifference

your dreams will lose

the battle against reality

every time

Nevertheless

there you are

tempted to cross burnt bridges

as if nothing ever happened

and wondering why the heart

with such unflagging resolve

never seems to second-guess

©2011 Fenny

The garden gate is banging

back and forth in the wind

A bunch of starlings

startled by the noise

fly up and down the pear tree

twittering and tweeting 

like they are being skinned

They spook the other birds

that found sanctuary

here as well

and our garden 

that seemed so peaceful

a minute ago

now has changed

into a regular noise hell

They all seem to re-tweet

the same message of fear

and before you know it

the whole garden's thrown

into commotion

with a crescendo

of high-pitched sounds

that harass the ear

Cats attracted by all the twitters

and flapping of wing

have left their sleepy hideaways

to launch an assault

against the noisy lot

while any time now

the dogs will come barge in

and turn this into a territorial thing

©2011 Fenny

The rising sun flickers through the trees

creating dancing shadows on the lawn

while a lively breeze

is giving the old rusty vane 

a good whirl around

The only soothing sound

besides the chirping of birds

in these early moments of the dawn

when all day noise is still unheard

Not a better moment in the day

for standing here and have a listen

while leaning in the doorway

face to the sun like the flowers

and sipping hot tea

Only quietness and me

watching the emerald grass wave

with a million dewdrops that glisten

when the garden slowly awakes

©2011 Fenny

Seagulls free fall on the wind 

their harsh calls cut through the silence

and break my string of thoughts

I splash through the puddles

that speckle the beach and look up

the rain has finally stopped

though ominous clouds still darken the sky

I stick out my tongue and laugh

Bring on your rain

See if I care

A couple coming my way

smile about my childish behaviour

and say I'd better be careful

to dare the weather like that

As I smile back at them

I suddenly feel very self-conscious

(the kind of middle-aged-woman-caught-

making-fun-of-bad-weather-while-splashing-

through-puddles-self-consciousness)

as I realise how it must have looked

and I laugh so hard

that the dogs come running back

to see what’s going on

and make sure they don’t miss out

on whatever fun

But dogs think nothing of muddy wellies

and off they go again

sniffing out something interesting

the tide might have left them

As I look up again

I see the sky has brightened a bit

and a wavering sun tries

to peek  through the clouds

Who said one shouldn’t dare the weather

I take down the hood of my anorak

and let the wind tousle my hair

while I chase after the dogs

and splash some more

In my defence

there must be spring in the air

© 2011 Fenny

Between dark and dawn

as I enjoy a moment

a cup of tea

and a bit of peace alone

before the day goes on

Last Christmas comes in from the radio

and softly fills the room

I've always liked that song

because of you

singing along so terribly out of tune

and my mind wanders right back

to days long gone

when you helped me through

a love gone wrong

and I can't help wondering

where you might be today

and if your thoughts

whenever you hear this song

wander my way

And do you think of that enormous tree

you hauled into the house

and lazing in front of the fireplace

or that burnt turkey

and those undercooked Brussels sprouts

Skating on the pond

and snowball fights on the way home

hot chocolate spiked with a splash of JD

and cherry almond scones

Your great impersonation of Santa Claus

ho ho ho

and how a few sad tears 

could not disrupt

what a great holiday that was

©2010 Fenny

I wish I could lift this incessant tiredness

that has wrapped itself around me

like a heavy winter cloak

From now on not feel the pain

that has rendered my body rigid and weak

and left it on the wrong side of hope

To go back to the way I was

when no burden could hold me down

strong and with such an appetite for life

it frightened everyone around

Just to find some kind of comfort

if only for a while

but long enough to rekindle my spirit

and bring back the fire in my eyes

O how I would enjoy 

such a pittance of time

never waste a second

just laugh and love and dance

and not once fall behind

nor take for granted

how it feels to be fine

©2010 Fenny

Traces of desolation in

the leaves rotting on the ground

the cold wind around the house

the rain falling down

Misty grey days

that haunt the soul

like beings from hell

with the emptiness

of a lover's farewell

©2010 Fenny

The other day, Jerry from Laughing at Wine 

(go visit his blog there for some of his offbeat

humor, it's hilarious) has sent me a nice poem

and as he is gracious enough to let me, I'd like

to share it here.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

FENNY’S POEMS

I read some of your poems today

they remind me of me

back when I had an inclination to feel 

your words were drawn from a familiar

well of despair

and quench for awhile the need

to rail at God 

but nobody does that without consequences

and God knows, me and you have had

enough of that

I’ve heard in order to be happy

one should wish for what was

and what’s to be

I can’t reconcile that

it would be a

cutting on the heart

feelings do seem to

get in the way of life

though they’re good for stomping on

I’m proof of that

you can’t take them to the bank

no money made with um

or borrowed on

they hang heavy in a sack

like gold ingots over one’s shoulders

and seem valuable until you try

to pay for toothpaste

at the checkout

well never you mind

some good will come of um

I’ll bore a friend

embarrass a child or

coach a tear

and if you got ideas

I’ll try them too only,

you go first

jerry

On the wings of a single sigh

to where you are I fly

and kiss your sleeping lips

You softly moan

then turn around

to look at the spot

where a minute ago

my feet tiptoed the ground

but where a ray of morning sun

now dances like a wildfire flame

And in dreamy bliss

while you still feel my kiss

you whisper my name

©2010 Fenny

Dutch Version:

Sunday, November 14, 2010

In Dromen

Op de vleugels van een enkele zucht

vlieg ik naar jou en kus

zacht je slapende lippen

Je kreunt heel even en draait je om

kijkt naar de plek waar ik 

een minuut geleden 

op mijn tenen ben verdwenen

en waar nu alleen een straaltje ochtendzon

als een wild dansend vlammetje

is achtergebleven

En nog half in slaap

terwijl mijn kus nog steeds

je lippen streelt

fluister je mijn naam

tegen de in het daglicht 

smeltende maan

©2010 Fenny

I listen to your old songs

and for the first time

your words strike a chord

and touch me deep

never realized before

just how much

you were playing for keeps

I guess I never listened with my heart

to what yours bled in every line

the bittersweet regret

in each refrain

was never mine

My heart breaks like your sweet voice

and for the first time

I feel your pain

and it makes me weep

never realized before

just how much

you were playing for keeps

©2010 Fenny

I have a cigarette on the fire escape

while I wait for you to stop by

Jimmy’s ‘Castles made of sand’

coming down from the roof

takes me back to better days

like summers in Grand Isle

Hasty cars rush by on the avenue below

while their fumes climb up the stairs

The sun slowly sinking

behind the skyline

backlights my summery thoughts

with his dying flares

Why all our dreams back then

died such a painful death

I’ll just never understand

Two sharp honks they’re my cue

and as I rush down

those old memories slip my mind

castles made of sand

©2010 Fenny

Strenuous days

and nothing to believe in

when black coat men cast shadows

over empty streets

Dead inside I mourn the night they took you

your voice and defiance silenced for good

and like so many I understand

the stubbornness of lament

that refuses to leave these rooms

so sullen and dark

But sometimes

morning brilliance blinds me

and embraces me like a friend

even though darkness still huddles beneath

And I wonder

will torment subside at last

like stars faint

and dreams diminish

as I struggle through the pain

that I know by heart

©2010 Fenny

Painting:

Morning Sun (1952) by Edward Hopper (1882-1967)

Do you sing to her

like you sang to me

Clapton’s

‘Wonderful tonight’

and the Doors’

‘You make me real’

And do you kiss away her tears

when a sad movie

makes her weep

and hold her

in your arms

until she falls asleep

Do you tell her

that you love her

and worship the ground

beneath her feet

and do you lie

as much to her

as you did to me

©2010 Fenny

As I fall

I lose the pain

grow wings and fly

higher and higher

until I reach the clouds

A few I pass by

and then I see you

just lying on one

waving and smiling

I stop and we have tea

with scones to die for

it’s all so beguiling

I want to stay

and never leave

this new found heartsease

and then it rains

the clouds have all turned black

again I feel the pain

and then I realise

I’m back

©2010 Fenny

Poor grieving heart

ticking away months

as if they were seconds

Numbed by pain

it doesn’t notice

Cupid’s arrows

sweet stings

let alone

the soft touch

of butterfly wings

Crushed and crumbled

it never cares

for the startling excitement

of new beginnings

and it’s perfectly good

without the sweet hope

that reckless dreams

would bring

Comfortably sheltered

it’s hibernating

in the soothing arms

of recovery

No need for anyone

or anything

that is …

until spring

©2010 Fenny